Tuesday, November 18, 2014

One foot in front of the other

The sharp pain woke me from a deep, confortable dream of fluffy clouds and rainbows.

The clock read 4 a.m.
It was cold.

The television still on, playing some informercial about fruit juicers.

I got up.

The throbbing pain was coming from the left side of my brain. The pain quickly attacked my forehead like a twister hitting a town without an invitation.

I couldn't keep my eyes open.

"This pain," I though. "Needs to go away."

Took some migraine meds and I went back to bed. "I still have a few hours before I have to get up," I though to myself.

But I couldn't sleep. My body aches for sleep, but my head is screaming otherwise.

Sleeping sitting up worked.

"Please God, let me sleep, let this pain go away."

I drifted into sleep.

By the time it was time to wake up, the sharp pain attacked with a vengeance.
I forced myself to get up, shower and get ready. Today I am off to training and I can't miss it.

But this pain.
These migraines don't come as much anymore. They have stayed for days at a time, but lately, they had left me. Or so I thought.

As I drove off to the training location, hunger called me out. While trying to rush out of the apartment and the pain still throbbing, eating was the last thing I wanted to do. But my stomach craved food. I was starving.

Once at the training, the bright lights. It was too much. I wanted to leave.

But some important stuff was being taught.

The pain lasted through lunch and thanks to my coteacher, who gave me some stronger meds than what I had, the pain began to disappear.

I skipped lunch and stayed inside the building while everyone went to eat.

And I studied.

I am determined to pass this test. Knowing that I passed the other one is comforting, but I signed up to teach high school and that's what I want to do.

For now the migraine is gone. I can relax, eat and study tonight. 

Tomorrow, it's back to work.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Blank space

This weekend I rested. Sure I worked a few hours at school, but I made good use of the time. I printed work for the week, updated lesson plans and took care of some things.

On Sunday, I went to watch a high school play, Godspell. It was amazing. As I watched, I had to remind myself these were high school kids.

Such fun performance.

Then it snowed for a few hours.

Work went well today. I had an observation from my certification program during first period. Who does that?? I think, and hope, it went well. I also had another walk through observation during 7th period. I was caught sitting down, I hope it all went well.

Tomorrow I will be at an all day training. I left work for the kiddos. My sub, who had taken the job about a month ago, canceled this morning. Again, who does that? Why? I was upset. Sure hope I have a sub tomorrow.

Tonight I started studying for my other ELA test. Wish me luck, yo!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Good life

Today started like any other. I was focused on finishing act one, scene five from Romeo and Juliet. My first period enjoyed the scene and couldn't believe that they had just met and had fallen in love. That's how it went pretty much all day. It was all shock and disbelief.

Then I was assigned to sub during my conference period. I ended up subbing in art class. It was a fun class. Jarod came to hang out and keep me company for a bit.

During third period, as I was explaining to the kids about the hate between the Capulets and Montegues, my phone buzzed. I looked and was very surprised to see this:

My world shook. I panicked. I lost my thoughts and had to take a few minutes to compose myself. I am not ready for this. Not now, it's Friday. Do I want to look now and start crying now, in front of the kids and in front of my sub coteacher?

So I continued to teach and ignored the email. I set my phone aside, for fear I may go and click away.

During my 4th period I could wait no more. This was it. Now or never. I studied my ass off for this moment. I want to continue teaching and if this is the way, then I should accept this.

Then I sent my sister a text. She texted back, "not looking won't change the outcome. I say just look."

So while the kids answered a few questions from the book, I looked.

I did a double take. I passed? I passed!! 

Then I texted my sister.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to shout it to the world. I had passed my test, and on the first try!

I kept the news to myself, well, I told Jarod the news and we both cheered.

Then I waited until after school to tell everyone, but by the time bus duty had ended everyone in the English department was gone for the day. I did go looking for my boss, the big enchilada, to tell him the awesome news. I got two awesome hugs from him. Two hugs!! And he told me how excited and happy he was for me. I am so blessed to have an amazing boss like that. There are those bosses you work for and you just know they are not good leaders, they don't care and are just there for themselves. Not him. He cares. He actually wants to see you succeed in life. He's someone I would love to have a cup of coffee and just have an awesome conversation with.

I sent my scores to my DC and all I got was a "wow" from her. I am not sure If that was a "wow, it's about time you passed a test, wow" or if she was just in shock about the entire thing. Not sure yet. I hope it was a "wow, amazing news!!" ;)

Here, my scores again.

And to top it off, my secret bulldog gave me this!! It's 25 days of Starbucks!!

And then after two weeks of having a rental, the car repair shop called to tell me my car was ready!!

I am very happy Jarod was there, because he drove with me to pick up my love and followed me to drop off the rental.

My baby looks new!!

Then he left, but he took my key!! Since he drove my car, I didn't realized he had taken my key. The car was still on and I had a spare key at my apartment, so I prayed that my car didn't power off on my way home.

He later called me and I went to pick up my key from his apartment.

Now, I enjoy and celebrate my amazing day with a cup of peppermint mocha.

Not pictured is a delicious slice of chocolate cheesecake.

Oh and I also got this email. I am a gold member for another year. Can this day get any better?? Such an amazing feeling to have some good news for a change. I have been thanking God all day long. So happy to have friends that care, good coffee and awesome bosses. Here's to an amazing new chapter in my life!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

State of sleepiness

I fell asleep watching television. Sitting up, neck in pain, my head drooping. I had missed an entire show and half way through another of my favorite shows. I hate when that happens.

The phone rings. It's my mom. She wanted to ask me about the weather before I fell asleep, but she was too late.

Today has been a very draining day. We started with Romeo and Juliet today. The kids confused. The kids in shock and asking questions like, "Why can't we just watch the movie like the AP kids?" "Why can't we just skip the play all together?"

Of course, AP is not watching the entire movie, I tell them. They are watching short clips. Then they go on and ask, "well, why can't we?" Kids would rather argue and try to persuade me, instead of starting the play.

Having to explain to the kids what is going on in each scene is exhausting. I have my No Fear Shakespear, but still, it's exhausting trying to explain the same thing, every period.

This morning, in first period I got an observation. Just as I was trying to explain "maidenheads" and "thumb biting" and "ms what does it mean when they say thrust his maids to the wall?"

I was like, "you've got to be kidding me?!" I may have received an OK observation, but that's not how I wanted to start my day since my day started off terrible and not to mention it was freezing in the morning.

Just as I was heading out for work, the lock to the inside of my apartment got jammed. At first I was like, no big deal, I can get out. Thirty minutes later, I was annoyed, angry and then sad.

There was no way in hell I was going to stay locked inside my apartment until the apartment office opened.

I panicked because I was going to be late for work. I was having a long work day and this was not happening.

After about 30 minutes, jabbing in a knife to unscrew the door knob, I decided to text my department chair. This text would sound like a joke. I thought twice before sending it.

Needless to say, a few minutes after this exchange, the lock unlocked. I was free. I was feeling trapped no longer.

Later Jarod and I went to starbucks for some coffee and a smoke. The entire day went the same every single class period.

By 8th period I was tired and sleepy and cold and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


I was at the Starbucks in Odessa by 6:30 am, no joke. It was cold and I couldn't sleep. Actually I was stressing about the test.

Here is proof:

I decided to go to bed early to rest for today and because I was super tired, but I kept waking up.

Went to testing location and was there for 4.5 hours. Once I got in the car, this song came out.

That's what I did all morning long.

Then headed back to Midland and did this:

And then later for dinner:

I ordered my usual soup, but the lady said I looked nice, so she got me salad and I was like...cool. Then my food came in and as you can see, I couldn't finish my food at all. Leftovers yay!

Anyway, tomorrow there should be an arctic freeze and I am yet to buy a decent coat and shoes. Oh well....

But this made me happy. I know I don't run or walk or excercise like some people, but these stats are amazing. I love my fitbit!

Sunday, November 09, 2014

A part of me

I was so angry last night. A friend of mine sent me an old link to my blog from 2003, from when I first started blogging. He said he thought it would be nice if I read how far I had gone in life, but instead, it opened so many wounds. I clicked through the old blog and found entries about my ex, the fights, arguments and also entires from when we celebrated our wedding anniversary. I was very blunt. I thanked him for opening up the past. I thanked him for reminding me of all the heartbreak I went through. He apologized, I was still angry. These are entries that I wrote a long time ago, entries that I didn't want to go back and read. Those feelings of feeling lost and confused, those feelings of pain and heartbreak came rushing in.

One entry that I found that made me super sad was the entry I wrote about my grandmas death. There's so much I could have written, I could have elaborated on, and I wish I had, but didn't.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Blood Roses

My sister and I left for the Valley on Wednesday. It was a long trip (6 hrs) but it was worth it because we got to see our parents. The valley sure has changed.
We decided to drive down to Mexico to the funeral. I was reluctant to take my car -- but we left anyway. We took a shortcut, instead of driving through Reynosa we went up through Rio Grand City and into Camargo -- the trip was a lot shorter.
We arrived to Montemorelos and went straight to the funeral home. This was on Friday at 3pm. Grandma's body would arrive to Monterrey from Florida at 7pm. They were running late. We were there from 3pm on Friday till 2:30pm on Saturday. It was an all night wake. I got to see my grandma, very unrealistic. Very odd -- to see her there. Not moving. Her body was lifeless...I got to see so many aunts and uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins...it seemed more like a family reunion then a funeral.
Thought the night I went to see my grandma several times. I got to say goodbye. It was sad, especially for my grandpa who was really sad.
On Saturday it was time to go to the church and then the cemetery. The religious services were odd to me since I am not catholic....after the services, we walked to the cemetery. It was so realistic - it had rained all week and today - the sun came out. The ground was still wet and moist so we walked on mud. Grandma was carried in a big limo like car and we all walked to her burial spot.
The hardest and most emotional time came when her casket was opened one last time. Everyone left her flowers, I could not bring myself to go up so I watched everyone walk by and cry. Touching her (as if she was still in that body) touching her, leaving her flowers by her hands.. I kept looking down to the ground - a fresh buried body next to me- The flowers around the grave still fresh and wet from all the rain.
It was so beautiful to see that when her casket was opened. I saw several birds fly to the sky. They had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. It was as if they were welcoming her and if they knew she was gone.
My grandpa went over, started crying uncontrollably, hugging her and kissing her. That was the last straw -- I started crying. To know that his partner of more then 50 years would not be with him any longer -- it broke my heart. The pain, sorrow, sadness was not for my grandma, but for my grandpa -- although he would have family and friends around him, he would be alone without his life partner.
The casket was lowered down with ropes and fresh cement was placed in her grave.
After the burial, we had to leave back home -- my mom stayed in control throughout the whole weekend -- but as soon as she saw grandpa, her step dad, the only dad she ever knew (as she has described him in the past) began to sob. She huged him. She had never done that. I had never seen her do that. Tears rolled down my face.
The old, unpaved streets were extra muddy and the trip to the car was difficult. Driving pass the cemetery - my mom began to cry once more because she knew this would be the last time we would ever be back here....

Saturday, November 08, 2014

I know for sure

That I am the killer of earbuds. This morning I had to go buy some new ones because I managed to kill another set. I bough some Skullcandy earbuds and I hope they last. If my calculations are correct, I think these are my fifth pair this year. They die because I have a bad habit of just grabbing them from the bottom of my bag and pulling them. I also sleep with them sometimes and they get tangled.

Anyway, I went to school this morning to update and post grades for the grading cycle. I decided I was going to relax today, study a little bit and just be before this coming week. If things weren't hard enough, I am taking my ELA test and teaching Romeo and Juliet on the same week. Yay me...not.

After work I headed to the store. My intention was to go shopping for shoes and a coat, but ended up in the kitchen section and checked out all the coffee machines. I was so close to buying one, but decided against it. 

I came back to my apartment and relaxed for a few hours before having a very late, very early lunch/dinner. I had this place once, about 10 years ago. It was yummy. Hooray for trying a new place to eat!

Then went to B&N were I cruised the book isles and wished that this was actually my library and I had all these books. One can only dream. And check this out! The barista actually spelled my name correctly. Hooray number 2 of the day!

And I studied.

And bought some Romeo and Juliet essentials. You can never have enough. I actually bought the red book on the bottom left of photo. The other two, I bought over the summer. I knew we would be teaching this, so I was prepared.

I should sleep. Tomorrow I study some more and then prepare for the week.

No apologies

I had so much to write about last night, but I was so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep, but my body hurt so much, all I did was sit in bed and watch television, until I fell asleep.

But I met my walking goal, so yay!

It sure felt like I walked more, but oh well.

My day started off with eating yummy food that the PTA gave us teachers to celebrate the end of the second grading cycle.

It go serious. Muffins, tacos, fruit and OMG starbucks coffee.

I stopped by my mailbox and got two letters from two students. One of the letters made me cry.

She's the student that gave me a pickle at the game. Also that part about Chick-Fil-A...I didn't almost run over her, that's just a joke we talk about. The first week of school I was driving In the CFA parking lot and I saw her and her friends walking slowly. I honked and waved and she waved back. The next day she said I was trying to run her over, but we laugh every time she mentions it.

I cried because I stress about the kids. I wonder if they are understanding me when I teach. Am I doing enough as a teacher? Then I think about my test and how I don't want to let go of this job and how much I want to keep doing it. Stress, long hours...all worth it when I get a note like this from a student.

Here's another note:

After school, I went to volunteer at Feast of Sharing. I was originally going to be on my own, but one of the other teachers mentioned she was taking her group, so I joined them.

I got there about an hour before the group, so I waited.

But the lady organizing told me to go eat since it would be a while. And so I did.

After I started working, picking up trash from tables, I saw HEBuddy and jumped at the chance to take a photo with him! I know, lame. But heck, he's cool.

It was a tiring but awesome experience to volunteer.

Now off to study, grade and eat.

Thursday, November 06, 2014

To school and back

Today was a long day. It begun with a 7:45 am meeting. Then some of my students finished off the 9 week assessment redo, while others worked on other assignments.

After school I headed over to the last football game of the season. I figured I could go, watch the first team and leave. Every time I go to games, the stands are always empty. Today was a different story. All bleachers were packed and I started feeling cluster phobic because there were kids everywhere, screaming parents and annoying people. I had several of my students come over to keep me company, or so they say, because every time they see me outside of school, I am always alone. Gee, thanks for noticing kids. And "why are you always alone?" Questions come up.

We started the day with a pep rally.

Then the game after school. I love how the sky looks.

My iced coffee. Some hot flaming Cheetos I bought and a pickle, that one of my students gave me because I was alone. I know, that didn't make sense, but she was thoughtful.

Then the cheerleaders danced...

And more game.

The freshman team lost, but they played awesome. Even though I have no idea what the game is played. I did tweet the game.

Yeah, I am not a good tweet person. But I tried.

And my stats for today.

Now it's off to bed. Gosh, I am lame.

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Walking on solid ground

I hate that I am taking my ELA test on Tuesday and I haven't had time to really focus. I have been working so much, planning, stressing and just getting things ready, that the majority of the time, I make it home and just sleep. I have tried so hard to go study after school, but that's the last thing I want to do. I looked at the questions today and panicked. What if I am not ready? I can't take another batch of bad news. Not after failing so many times, a car accident and anything else I can insert here. Trying to stay positive. I feel like I am running out of time.

I was talking to my sister the other day and told her I had set forth plan B. It's not like I am setting myself to fail, but let's face it, it's not like I have done well this last year. I am being cautious. Looking to see what else I can do if this doesn't fall in place. I would want nothing more than to continue working and living here. I enjoy it. Enjoy the work and the people I work with, and that's why I am trying...that's why I am working my ass off, but plan B has to be looked at now.

Enough negative thoughts. Today I finally downloaded some TS music and I was giggling with excitement.

And I also downloaded this song. Don't judge.

But the best part of today was rhis awesome text. My car is coming home next week. Can't wait!!

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Little things

This morning I woke up extra early to head out, get some coffee and get some studying before my 7:45 am meeting, but much to my surprise the rental car I got yesterday had a flat tire. I would have jumped into action and fix it. But what was the problem? It was 40 degrees, cold and very rainy.

After staring at the flat tire for a few minutes and getting wet from the rain. I remembered to check the trunk. I am sure there must be some spare tire I can use and replace. Flat tire 2.0 was not about to get me down. I was going to proof to myself I am more than capable of taking care of my self and a tire change.

The rain started to fall, the cold wind was hitting my face and I began to get super cold. I opened the package, hooked up the tire pressure thing to the tire and powered it up. A few minutes later I was ready to go.

By this time my awesome flat ironed, hair sprayed hair was wet. The bottom of my pants were wet and I was freezing.

I managed to make it to the car rental place, but it was closed. It would open at 7:30 am and I had arrived at 6:50 am

Once it opened, I got another car and was good to go. I also managed to be late for my 7:45 am meeting by like 5 minutes. 

Meeting was over and I was freezing, hungry and not hot coffee. During my conference period, I walked to the rental car. By then it began to rain again and I was cold and wet again.

Drove to get some food and coffee. Once I arrived back to work, I could not leave the car because it started to rain hard again. After eating, I decided to make a run for it. And yep, I was wet again and freezing.

The rest of the day was cold and wet. My entire body was tired. Would I catch a cold? Get sick?

After work I got cold and wet again. And yes, I am freezing. I have been trying to get warm all day. Happy I don't get sick.

And in other news...

Monday, November 03, 2014

The story of my life

This morning I went to drop of my baby for repairs. It's about time. We've been waiting for a long while. Just as I arrived, the shuttle for the rental was waiting for me. Gave the repair man my keys and off I went. Once I got there, they lady told me what kind of car I was getting. And can you believe it? I got a Hyundai Elantra. Exactly what I had before my new car.

And when I sat down, I saw this and thought, what the what? I need a key?

My car is keyless, this was so odd to me. (Says the person who has used a key to drive her last three cars haha)

And since I had already signed to be off for half a day, I went to ask the big enchilada if I could either go away until 6th period or if I could observe someone. He said I could do whatever I wanted. So I chose to observe a teacher.

A math teacher to be exact. I was super excited because I found myself participating in class. I wanted to answer the questions. Truth be told, I was having fun.

Anyway, I need to finish grading. I am so tired and wish I could just focus on studying for the test, but there's so many other things I need to be doing. (Insert sad, tired, worried, frustrated face here).

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Weird weekend

My weekend was all planned. I would relax, bum out and rent some movies on Saturday, eat, be happy and then work on Sunday.

I got to relax a bit at Starbucks on Saturday and rented 3 movies. I was sure excited. But when I got to my apartment none of the movies would play. Bummer. Went to get some lunch, came right back to watch tv and eat my taco salad, but a friend called me. She needed help. Her ex husband had shown up to the house and was trying to be "father of the year" this weekend. She needed to run him off, he was making himself at home. I'd heard stories of him from her kids - who
Don't like him at all. I don't blame them, he has never been there for them as a father. So off I went and man is this man cray cray. I understand why she is no longer with this man. He is everything but nice. He is the opposite of everything good. I was there a good 4 hours. He insisted on taking the kids to eat, but later found out he took them to do shores at his house.

Then I came back to my apartment and started to panic about work. I knew we were doing drama, but Romeo and Juliet is not my strong fit. It's something I didn't enjoy when I was a 9th grader. And the hour change didn't help either:

I can always tell when I am stressing because I never get a good nights sleep. Even thought I was in bed until 7 am, I was awake by 6 am, but was so tired i Couldn't get up. I didn't want to get up. I knew that my writing portfolios were waiting for me at school. 

So off I went to school and was there for a good 3 hours. I managed to lesson plan, organize and plan for tomorrow morning. I will be gone in the morning to turn my car in and get a rental. I am excited my car is finally going to get fixed. About time.

My favorite photo my brother sent me.