Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Sleepy time

Today was such an exhausting day. The kids tested today. Some finished, others didn't, but I was so tired.

My stats. Almost reached my goal:

After school I went to study.

I was so tired and got a Frappuccino with caffeine, but I seriously doubt it had any because after an hour of study, I was beyond tired.

I want nothing but to sleep, but I ate a taco salad an hour ago and I am so full. Hopefully I will get some sleep, we have our first official 7:45 PLC meeting. Still super upset, but as long as we all get to meet and have a meeting and know what's going on in the department, I am ok.

Ok, good night.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Nothing much to say

After school I went to eat dinner. As I waited to order my food, I saw one of my students parents. We started talking about school, work and even asked me how her son was doing in my class. Is that considered a teacher-parent conference?

Work went well today. It's been one of those days. I am tired. The kids are tired. Everyone is tired.

I really haven't had anything productive to say lately. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop blogging for a while. It's not like I have an audience. Not like anyone reads my blog. No, I am not doing it for an audience. I have been blogging since 2003 and I have never had an audience. But sometimes I wonder why I even do this. Oh well, something to think about. Until then, goodnight void.

Late to the party

My body hurts. Not just any pain, it's like "first week of school" hurt and I am not sure exactly why. I am just so tired. I am told October is the toughest month for teachers, well, it better go away soon because this feeling of tireness and pain and stress need to go away. Just so tired.

I fell asleep so early tonight, but now I am wide awake. I keep thinking of work, keep dreaming of work. In my dreams I am teaching!and when I wake up, I remember exactly what I am teaching.

After school today I headed over to my happy place, ordered some iced coffee and began my study sessions. They are in full effect until I take my test again.

I am nervous, not going to lie. Going through all this all over again, it sucks, but I am staying positive.

Anyway, I need to go back to sleep.

My stats from today...I mean from yesterday.

Almost reached my goal.

Here is a photo of Caleb when he opened his gift this weekend. I miss him and Aly so much!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Best day ever

Today was the best day ever. Played with Aly and Caleb all day long. All the stress from work and life and everything just faded away.

We woke up super early and watched a few cartoons.

Aly watched as Caleb played a game on my iPad.

Aly played in her bouncy house.

Caleb and I played in the tree house/slide.

Then got Aly ready for their Halloween photo. Yes, she was a ballerina kitty, so cute.

And after the photo shoot, they enjoyed some ice cream.

And Caleb and Aly got to open their gifts! I got Aly a Dora The Explorer Lego set.

Then pumpkin carving time outside!

The end result.

And we ended the night with Caleb enjoying the chemistry kit I gave him as a gift!

Such a great day!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Word of the day: Observation

Yesterday during my 7th period I was observed. It wasn't just a regular observation, it was one by none other then my boss. Yep, the big guy. The big enchilada. The one that runs things. I was showing the kids clips of the story we had read. I was hesitant at first because I had asked for permission to show the movie, but alas, I had been told not to. Bummer. But I figured a few minutes of a few scenes would not be an issue.

So sure enough, as it always happens, I had sat down, after about 30 min of standing and reading to the kids and began to show the clip. My sub co teacher, who was sitting next to me, taps me on the arm and says, "Mr. Cedillo, outside....door." Aaaak. My objectives said nothing about video! He's going to write that down. Sweet baby Jesus I am in trouble for sure.

I cut the clip shot and started talking to the kids, in the dark. We had turned off the lights. But I panicked. I got nervous. I was drawing a blank. Literally a blank. We had just finished reading the story and comparing clips to scenes of story was supposed to have been an easy few minutes.

I start talking about the phone in the movie. Then I talk about when I was younger and how we had no cell phone. "Oh lord I make no sense." Think of something else to say! I thought to myself. I hope the look of horror was not visible in my face, but let's face it, I am sure it was.

We talk about it a little more and I am keeping track of the time. He was there almost 10 min, either that or I was so nervous I lost track of time. 

Then he left. My kids looked at me and laughed. "Ms. What happened to you?" One asked. They went on to tell me I was calm as a whistle one second and as soon as he showed up, I looked nervous and talked way too much.

Truth be told, when I get nervous I giggle and uncontrollably talk way too much.

My review was fine. He said some positive things and I was relieved. Until next time, I hope I don't sound like an idiot.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Table for one, please

I am having dinner at one of my favorite places. I order the usual. The server has served me before, he knows who I am. He brings me my peach iced tea, my side dish and then the main entree. I sit here, alone, enjoying my usual. People around me are laughing and joking. The couple next to me, on a date. The guy has ordered a bottle of their fine red wine. He pours a glass for her, she smiles. They look into each other's eyes. They whisper. What are they talking about I wonder. How wonderful it is that they have finally decided to meet? How after many phone calls, texts and emails they have decided to have a meal together, or have they been dating for a long time and they are just having a night out after a long work day?

The other couple, next to me is an older couple. They have been married maybe 30 years. They sit quietly, enjoying their food. Maybe they have had the same conversation everyday and they have ran out of things to say. Or maybe they have been together for so long that they can work like clock work without looking at each other. That awesome feeling you get when you have been with someone for years and that nervous tingling sensation can still be felt in the bit of your stomach?

I on the other hand, sit here, quietly, eating my spaghetti and wishing I was sitting in either table as opposed to trying to make conversation with the server who seems rather extremely annoyed that he just had another group of people sit in his area. He was probably trying to leave early, avoid the dinner rush, with the shortage of people who want to work in the area, that thought was just that, a thought.

I continue to eat my food. The same I eat every time I come here. For some reason I can't bare to order something different. Why can't I? Isn't trying something different the spice of life? But I don't. Like a creature of habit I come in and don't even look at the menu. I order, from memory. Does the server judge me? Does he wonder, why does she come here and order the same food? There's a full menu, hundreds of delicious choices. But I am sure he's glad I order the same and not order elaborate, crazy dishes like people do at starbucks. I am always surprised at the crazy orders people order. I am always glad I am not a barista. I am sure they are glad I don't order that way.

I have finished my meal. The server smiles and without asking gives me a to go tea and the check. He knows. He knows I won't order anything else. "See you next week." He tells me excitingly as I walk away from my table. I smile and wave and start walking away. Walking toward my car, in a hurry because I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I come here to the point they know me. Alone, because they know that everytime I am here, it will just be a table for one.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Drama, drama, so much drama!

Well, that's what I taught today. It was fun, until about fourth period when it all started to feel like a broken record. That's the thing about teaching, sometimes it's just repeating the same thing over and over and over again. I do try to do different things in different classes, but sometimes it just ends up sounding the same. I feel for my co-teacher who has to sit through three of my lectures.

Aside from all that, I had a student who said something mean to me that hurt my feelings I wanted to cry. But we have to be the adult, put up shields. Act like we are bulletproof and nothing hurts us. Like last year when that kid called me a "big ass fucking bitch" and walked out of class. I am so glad it has not gotten that bad this year, but today a kid who was acting up in class, being very disrespectful in class and disrupting told me to go excercise because I obviously needed it. I hate that ever since I was a child, people have always put me down because of my weight. And it's terrible to know that it's still happening, but not by adults, but children. I know they say things because they themselves are not having a good day, they have no one or that's just their life. I try to shake it off and just write them up. But then saying things like that, the fact that I am fat - is still an issue. I always thought that after a certain age, my weight would be overlooked and not be an issue. 

What he said bothered me the rest of the day.

After work I went to B&N and enjoyed this.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Nightmares go away

I hate having nightmares about school. Last week my nightmare was about students heckling me while I was trying to teach. They yelled "you suck!" And when I ran out of my class, everyone was cheering. Tonight, I had a dream that I couldn't control my class and they were loud. My 4th period has 14 students, in my dream it grew to an auditorium size and I was being observed by the principal. The kids didn't care and I couldn't control them. It was awful. I kept using my teacher voice, yelling at the top of my lungs, but no one cared. My principal was sitting down, looking at me in disappointment.

I need a vacation. I can't wait for next weekend. Family time!

Today I worked. Well, first I went to Starbucks for about an hour and headed to work. 

Yummy drink.

I was at work for about four hours . I graded, worked on lesson plans and twicked my power point from last year. I also printed some class sets of worksheets. The best part was finding this in my mailbox! My secret bulldog (at least I hope it was) gave me these! So cool.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Good day, lonely day

I spent the morning enjoying a hot cup of coffee and studying for my new certification exam. After a few hours of studying, I headed out to the movies and watched "The Judge." It was such an amazing movie and I loved it so much.
As I sat there, with my small bag of popcorn and free drink (rewards card), I couldn't help but get a little sad. People around me were laughing, having conversations and just enjoying their day out. I was literally the only person there on my own. Boooooo

After the movie, I went to B&N and got me this for $6 thanks to my educator discount. #winning

Then I went to eat pizza and wings. Yum.

And yum

Note to self: medium pizzas, not for one.

Fun Friday? Maybe

Yesterday was actually a good day. Yes, I had a mini freak out and my department chair and my faux mentor got to see me, but all was ok in the end. That's one of the bad things of being single I think. All the stress and all the bad things accumulate, and not having someone there to talk to about this, builds up the stress. And then a few unfortunate people get to experience my frustration. Truth be told, I was doing ok until an email was sent out from my ELA coach suggesting something new to do.

We talked. I told her I panic. I worry. I cry. It's not her, it's me. That's just the way I cope. She understood. We had a few laughs. All is ok.

Today's lesson did actually go well and I enjoyed my sub coteachers. They walked around and helped me with the students, while I taught. The lesson was theme and thesis statement. Truth be told, after 7th period, I was exhausted. I wanted nothing but to sit and nap. All the nervousness and stress got me tired.

Even during my fourth period as I was trying not to mess up my lecture while my coach was there, I got an unexpected surprise observation from another coach in the building. Right that minute, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and say, "really!?? Wtf??" And walk out. But after a few seconds and forgetting everything I was going to say, I pulled it together a bit. Her observation review was well, but still felt a bit negative. She suggested I did something, when in reality I was just nervous. I mean, who wouldn't? You have a class full of students paying attention to your every word, you are trying to not forget anything that you have practiced the night before, you have your ELA coach siting there, writing notes, you have a sub coteacher who is standing in the back of the room watching and then you get this observer coming in. Man, seriously? So like I said, I am glad I didn't open the door and walked out from panic.

By the end of the day, I wanted nothing but to go home and eat because I hadn't had anything to eat all day, but bus duty waited for me.

Then I ate and was happy. By the time I got home, I fell asleep. I am now wide awake. Guess I will get up now.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Weekend get here now

This is what happens when I am stressed and keep waking up at night.

I am going to need some major coffee intake today. I kept waking up and I was dreaming about school. How lame! Haha

Must make it through today so I can have a restful Saturday, or Sunday. Not sure what day I will grade and plan.

Until then, yay it's Friday! 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Sleep, that's all I want

But I can't because I am going to be observed again. I am just so tired. This week has been unbelievable stressful and long. Monday was terrible and very emotionally draining, Tuesday too and Wednesday as well as I was observed. Today I took my car to get a crash estimate. I have to study for two certification exams and tomorrow I am getting observed again, oh and this weekend I have to grade essays and other assignments. Just so so tired.

I sound so negative.
I really am not, just tired.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

So easy

I am beyond tired. I woke up super early today (only getting four hours of sleep) to go to the store to buy guavas and guava juice for my lesson today.

Today I taught a lesson about a woman who lived in PR and she left for NY. Her childhood memories included guavas. I taught this story last year and a lot of the kids were confused as to what that fruit was. And not to mention, I was getting an observation today so I figured it would be a good opportunity for this.

I spent the night before reading the story, chunking it, writing notes and warm up activities. My first period is usually a little longer and I figured I would use it to test how long it would last. And I didn't get through to the entire lesson! I ran out of time, and I did with every single class. Oy!

And I was praying my department chair would not show up during my first period. I don't know if she did it this way, but I appreciate that she skipped all the first year teachers and didn't show up in our first periods. That gave me time to test the lesson. But then that only meant something, she was showing up during my 3rd period. And I was like, sweet baby Jesus please don't and just as I said that...she walked in...about three minutes before the 3rd period bell. I just froze and freaked and wanted to cry. I literally felt my heart stop and skip a beat. But she walked in and laughed and I didn't get what she said because I was trying not to hyperventilate. She said she was kidding and just wanted to see my reaction. But I laughed, because I didn't hear anything she said...I was just freaked out. We had a good laugh.

And I am so glad she showed up during my fourth period. My 3rd is a bit loud and hyper and there's lots of movement. I have sped kids, normal kids and just hyper kids.

I was nervous and hoped I didn't forget to ask any of the important questions. I did enjoy today's lesson. I just hope she saw how hard I tried. I do have to say, it's an improvement from last year. Last year, I was a wreck.

After school we had an ELA training and I tried so hard to stay awake. I need to catch up on my sleep. Good night world.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Somewhat relaxing Sunday

I stayed in bed all morning. The alarm went off at 5 am, but didn't bother to get up. Closed my eyes and slept some more. At 9 am, I thought of warm coffee and a bacon and egg taco, but I was too warm to get up. At 11 am I got really hungry and got up. Just as I was getting ready to walk out the door, got a text from one of the English teachers. She wanted to know if I wanted to meet her at work. Sure, I though. I was planning on going to get some stuff ready for tomorrow.

Today I used one of my free drinks at starbucks and actually ordered a peppermint mocha. I broke my December ritual. I have been craving one since the last time I wrote about them. It was so delicious.

At work, I arranged my folders with the kids writing samples. I had been neglecting to do that since the beginning of school and with my luck, someone would have gone to my room and asked to see the writing folders. At least I am kind of ready. I also went to make copies for tomorrow lesson, but the printer was not working. It kept telling me it was waiting for the network. I hope it works tomorrow, I have 100 copies to make!
I was able to make my bathroom passes. Instead of making copies because it wouldn't let me, I just printed 20 copies from my computer.

I also fixed this last week.

I got permission from my principal, I promise!! I had asked him if it was considered "vandalizing" if a teacher would go in and fix a poster that was not well written. He asked which one it was, we had a laugh and told him I wanted him to know before I changed it. 

Tomorrow is doom's day and I still have not decided If I will check my scores tomorrow or never. Like I told my principal when he asked me the other day during bus duty...if you see me jumping for joy, you know I passed. If you see my crying uncontrollably, well, you better be there for me.

Like I said, I can't keep failing. This has been by far the hardest year for me, ever. Things for me have come so easy. I have always believed if you want something, go for it. The sky is the limit. And I have proved that over and over again. This year however, has been different. I have been to the hospital 3 times, I have crashed my brand new car, failed this test more times that I can count and I am still single. I am keeping the faith. 

The nightmare that won't stop

These past few nights I've had nightmares about students heckling me as I teach. I start class, show my power point slides and once we start getting into the subject and I feel I have their attention - some start to boo me. Others start to yell at me. "Shut up you are bad!" The one comment that woke me up in the middle of the night was "you suck, stop teaching!" And all this heckling happening while I have someone observing me. This faceless observer sitting in the back of the room, shacking their head in disappointment, writing notes and getting angry to the point they start to heckle me too. My nightmare ends with me opening the door to my room and running down the hall. As I leave, all you can hear is cheering from everyone. Happy I had left.

I know I don't suck. Yes, sometimes I do feel I am not that "fun teacher," hey, some kids have told me that to my face, but I am trying. I always tell them I haven't reached "my full coolness potential." They smile.

And ever since my department chair told us she was doing observations this coming week, the stress, nervousness and nightmares have not stopped.

Yesterday's nightmare felt so real, That I went to school early in the morning and sat in my class trying to plan out my week. Not to mention I am still coughing up a lung.

And tomorrow I get the results of that test I have been taking for like what feels like forever. I am not going to check my scores. I have so much going on this week. Observation, two ELA teachers are coming to my classes to reteach/model theme and I have lots of grading to do. I just don't want to feel like a failure for the week. People keep telling me, "you already passed it, you just don't know it yet." The truth is, what if I didn't?

The only good thing about today is this:

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Just a little coffee in the mornings

***I wrote this entry at 6:30 am.***

I am sitting at my local Starbucks, listening to all the noise. The sound of the coffee machine is going off, people ordering their weird drinks. "I will have a double latte espresso cappuccino with a splash of Splenda, dry and add whipped cream." 

What the what?

Whatever happened to just ordering regular black coffee?

When it's Christmas time, I enjoy ordering my favorite, peppermint mocha. If I could, I would order five at a time. They are so delicious. But I only order them during the month of December. That's symbolic to me. That Christmas time. That means cold weather, wearing tons of sweaters and scarfs. The smell of warmth, yummy delicious cooking and family.

Like Zach Morris, I will "pause" here, just noticed the time and I must head to work now. As tired as I am, my body aches so much, I will head on to work.

***writing this at 9 pm***

Work went well today. I had some issues during my 3rd period. That is my last years "8th period." Well, not as loud and crazy, but it's near that level. They start off a bit loud, but once I redirect them, they get to work. We have official observations from our department chair next week. I am hoping and praying and doing a few Indian dances, she does not (for the love of God) don't show up! But with my terrible luck, she will. But I hope she doesn't.

I was so tired I came straight home from school and at 7:30, remembered I had free tickets to the concert tonight. But my body was in so much pain, I decided against going. I hope the concert was fun!

I am reviewing my lesson for tomorrow. It's about poetry. I am fearful of poetry. I don't like poetry. Dear lord, how will I teach poetry?

Here is my poem about poetry.

Poetry scares me.
Poetry go away.
Keep that smile on my face because, yep, I am teaching poetry.

Between poetry and spiders (which I am deathly afraid of) I would rather kiss one.

Dear lord, please no spiders, no poems.

Traditional poems.
Organic poems.
Whichever it is - save me from this mess. I loath you...poems.

Between teaching you and teaching astro physics, yep I am going physics. 

I would rather dress up like a clown and walk like a flan. I would rather drink Folgers coffee, than my lovely Starbucks. 

No poems please.

Types of feet.
Number of feet.
Trimeter, tetrameter, pentaminer? Who knows, but that's a poem?

Poems. Poems.
I don't like you, I don't like you... poems.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Coughing up a lung

This cough is killing me.
I have always had this cough come allergy season, but this time around, is somehow uglier. I cough and cough and cough and cough until I feel I am coughing up a lung. My entire body shakes, my eyes water, my throat, chest and stomach ache from the coughing. I swear, I better get a six pack from all this workout.

So far I have been good at controlling it when I am around people at meetings or when I am teaching. But when it does happen, I have gone as far as throwing up. I have that gag reflex and it's both painful and disgusting.

The other day I am so glad my coteacher was there for me. I coughed so hard, my head trembled, tears rolled down my eyes and I freaked out a few of my 3rd period students.

For now, my throat is so scratchy it hurts to swallow sometimes, it feels so raw.

But this is not just allergies, I've had postnasal drip my entire life. This runs in my family actually. My brother had nasel surgery when he was a kid, my mom has postnasal drip, my sister has it. I've always had nose, ear and throat issues. Even Ally and Caleb both have has issues with ear and throat infections.

I always just figured it would go away the older I got. It looks like it's getting worse and coming in with a vengeance. Totally not cool.

Today went well. We had our meetings, I coughed as always, and we all joked and ate lots of food from our potluck. 

Today felt awesome. I know we all have busy lives, we plan and go to meetings and all we would rather do is go home and sleep or stay in our rooms and relax during lunch, as oppose to hanging with people.

The thing is, we spend more than 40 hours together, in the same wing and taking care of the same kids. We are there for a reason and we have the same why not do more of this?

Next time I hope we plan it out. I would have cooked something yummy instead of having to go to walmart for food.

I enjoyed our lunch. It would be nice if we all made an effort to spend more time with each other. Not only for work, but to get to know each other better. After all, I consider this group my work family. They might not, they all have lives outside work, children to take care of and their significant others, but I don't. Anyway, I should stop this nonsense. I am the single teacher who has nothing to do but daydream about a life I don't have.

The writing process

After dinner I went straight to bed. Yep, I am old. My face hit the pillow at 8 pm. I was just exhausted - physically and mentally. We worked on essays today and some of my students acted like they had never seen the words thesis, theme or how to even write. If I have to say, "universal message" one more time, I am going to scream.

The majoriry of the kids did great. They just needed a friendly reminder and continued on with the essay, I was just beyond exhausted after school.

We have one more day or writing, and early release today. This is going to sound corny, but I am looking forward to the meetings we are having without the students. We will have two hours of kid free interaction. 

My principal sent out an email two days ago, asking to give examples of level 3 teaching. Whomever provided correct answers, would win two free tickets to this event. I answered correctly. I feel weird winning two tickets, seeing that it's just me. It will be a cool event to go to.

Ok, maybe I need to go back to bed. Maybe I can sleep a few more hours...

Monday, October 06, 2014

Stop the madness!

I finally walked my goal. Woop!

But I did have a big dinner, so that's why I was motivated to walk, walk, walk!

So delicious chicken with bacon and corn and some other deliciousness.

And then I ordered this, but I couldn't finish it because it's made for like a small army. What I was able to eat, was delicious.

This was the first time going to eat at this restaurant. I do have to stop the madness. I have been eating out almost everyday. Just cray cray.

This weekend I was bored and cut my own hair and colored it. I ended up using the wrong color, but it came out ok, I think.

I got mixed comments. Some kids said I looked "fabulous" others just said and I quote:

"Ms, you look different. What is it? Ms. Can you please tell me? Please tell me!!"

Others just yelled it out. And I quote:

"Ms you cut your hair! Wait, and you colored it too and oh my gosh ms, you are not wearing your glasses! Why not? Can you still see?"

I honestly was worried my hair looked awful. This is the shortest I have ever cut it. I have always had thin hair, and always worry about the way I look. This weekend I just went for it.

Say hello to my new obsession:

Saturday, October 04, 2014

More than just a dream

I woke up early today, even after falling asleep at 1 am. It is seriously sad that I can't stay up like I used to, or drink for that matter. I had three small glasses of Shiraz and woke up with a slight headache this morning. Such an amature I have turned out to be.

It happened at the wedding a few weeks ago. I had three drinks and woke up with a massive headache.

I headed out to Starbucks for my usual venti bold this morning. Today was rather exciting, they had the anniversary blend. In the words of Rachel Ray, "Yum-O."

I also worked a little bit. I read over the poetry unit for next week and made sure I had all my grades ready to roll.

But today was all about the talk radio. I started off with my favorite, TED Radio.

Then I jumped to Snap Judgement.

And then Radio Lab.

Followed with some Planet Money.

And I finished it off with the new, "This American Life" podcast, Serial. OMG so good.

And episode two:

I did go to HEB between shows. I have been coughing more than usual and this morning I felt like I was coming down with something. So before it gets me, I got some essentials:

I also made me some Mexican chicken soup because, well, I was feeling homesick today. Cooking relaxes me and makes me think of home. And also I don't want to catch a cold, so some hot soup was on the menu.

My recipe has been tweaked a bit, and will never taste as delicious as my mom's, but it tastes yummy.

The rest of the day was spent napping, watching football (not sure why, I am not a fan), and eating delicious caldo.

But one thing for sure, I miss my parents so much. The question of why I moved to Midland all by myself was brought up by some of my students this week. I made a comment about following your dreams and opportunities. I guess the kids can't understand why I would move away from home. It is refreshing to sometimes see the way a young persons mind works. For them, moving away from home is unthinkable, but for some..."eeeewww ms. why did you move here?" They are too young, my hope is that some day they understand and do follow their dreams.

But like any opportunity, comes being alone in a new city. Midland is not the first town I have moved to without knowing a soul, without having actually seen the city itself. I was offered the job, said yes, and then came to visit the town. Bay City, Lake Jackson and Huntsville were cities I moved to for a job and never having visit before.

Yeah, I am feeling lonely. I haven't seen any family for about two months. I need to fix that soon.

Also, it doesn't help that whenever I go out to eat, I am sitting alone at a table, and around me are families having a good time and laughing all around me. I guess one can't have it all. You either have the dream job, opportunity....but not the personal life you have imbedded in your mind. I feel I am being left behind. There are "clubs" I can't join, why you ask? I am too old to be a part of them. I keep asking myself, why wasn't I able to be a part of it when I had the opportunity? Was it because God knew I would not be cut out for it? I have always been the awesome Tia. I have been the best friend that friends lean on when they are having problems at work or in their relationship. I on the other hand, tend to come here when I have questions. I send them out into the void and wonder, maybe hope, that they will eventually get answered.

Lately I am feeling like time is going by so fast. I onced felt invincible, I can do anything and go anywhere. Now I would love for time to stop, slow down a bit, so that I can appreciate life and I can take in what has been given. Maybe God is not giving me that right now, because he knows that if I stop long enough to wonder, I will get sad because I don't have someone to share them with.

I think this calls for a visit to see family soon. I need to sit and watch my niece and nephew play for hours at a time. That brings me peace. Watching life through the eyes of a six year old and a three year old brings me so much happiness and wonder. They are discovering life. New smells, new things, questions they have. They know who I am, they love me, smile with me, ask me questions and most importantly, they love me. Leaving them is always hard, but it brings me much happiness when they hug me, kiss me and tell me they love me. So much peace, no worries, no stress.

Well there I go again, getting all down. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts....

On to the next chapter

Today marked the end is the first six weeks. Things are moving pretty fast if you ask me. It feels like just yesterday we were starting this year, now one grade cycle has come and gone.

To celebrate...

I tell you, wine with Diet Sprit...yum-O.

Tomorrow I plan to be a bum and then start planning Sunday. Not sure, but I know lots of sleep and relaxing is on the menu tomorrow....well, I should say today...because it's already Saturday.

Friday, October 03, 2014

In my dreams

I hate when I dream that I am teaching. It feels so real. Last night, in my dream, I was teaching figurative language and the kids got up and clapped after the lesson. The standing ovation lasted for ever.

"I understand this ms!" Cheered on kid.

"I love this English class, this is great!" Said the other.

Of course it was all a dream. My students are not that enthusiastic about English. I do spend some time doing crowed control, but it's not as it was last year. And the kids do pay attention, but they don't cheer in excitement that they understood the subject.

Yesterday went well, but was so tired by the end of the day. I left a bit early, well, early for me. I usually stick around to talk or just hang out.

But I was hungry and went to eat.

Then, after tweeting about a Edgar Allen Poe, I got a message that five accounts were following me. Hilarious haha

And this is cool.

Of course, the real Poe is dead, but this is cool. Ok need to gr ready for work. It's Friday!!!

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The alarm came too fast

The alarm went off at 5 am and I was just not ready to get up, but alas I did. Got ready, went to get my coffee and then went to my class.

I had spent time reading the story we covered today, but I needed to make sure my power point slides and video clip I was showing worked. 

All I wanted to do was rest during my conference, but was called to sub for a class.

But then I found out for what class and all was awesome.


It was organized chaos. It was loud, noisy, annoying. Everyone and everything was making noise. Strings hitting bows, squicky and scratchy, but it was music to my ears.

After work, I went to eat some deliciousness.


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Oh, hello there

Dear one blog reader, or that one Tori Amos fan that found my blog by Googling "To Venus and Back" and thought they'd get info on the album, I have been tired and blogging less. It's not because I don't want to, I have lots to say, my brain is constantly thinking of things to write about in my blog.

Today was a good day at work. I bought Starbucks for our morning meeting, but only 2 people got coffee. One even said, "ugh, I forgot how much I dislike this coffee." Wow, seriously? Then go back to your cheap coffee.

I was ok with it, I was able to drink more coffee.

I got another yummy refill and gave another cup to Jarod and took it to the mail room where one of the coaches saw me carrying the coffee carrier and asked if he could have some. He said I was a sweetheart for bringing coffee. I thought that was sweet. First time I ever talk to him, no joke. I usually just say "hi" to him.

And speaking of coffee...

I know....three more free drinks! 

My weekly report.

My lunch today.

So today after school I got this NPR breaking news tab.

I got worried. I hope and pray to God that it doesn't spread and we all don't have to quarantine ourselves for ever.

After talking to a few teachers about this, all I wanted was to hug someone. And then I remembered I don't have anyone. So my feeling worried, turned into sadness. The people I was taking to, have someone to go home to and hold. 

You know how women have their biological clock and how they say it ticks because they want children? Well, my relationship biological clock has been ticking very loud lately. Not the kid clock, I have 100 kids I take care of on a daily bases, that's birth control enough. I don't usually get all personal on this blog. Sure, I will mention a few things about how I feel from time to time...but after turning 39 this year, it hit me. I am 39 and alone. I have no one to come home to. No one to wish me a happy birthday or ask me how my day went. I come home everyday to an empty apartment. I come home to a place I don't like because unfortunately, this is all I can afford.

I see people get married and have kids and I just can't help but get super sad.

Disclaimer: Yes, I love myself and I love my life and job and what I have done.

But let's face it, I am not Wonder Woman. There's this one student in one of my classes who kept asking me if I was married. When I told her I wasn't, she asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her I didn't want to answer that question. She couldn't understand why I didn't have anyone in my life. Then her next question was, "So you are all alone?" That broke my heart and all I wanted to do was cry.

Today, after I left work, I drove around. I didn't want to make it home because nothing was waiting for me. I had dinner, alone, something I do a lot of.

I will stop with the soap box. Need to get over this feeling. I really should be studying tomorrow's lesson.